Imagine this: you finish presenting for a big client meeting, and your manager steers you aside to say,”I have some feedback for you about your presentation.” What might be your first instinctive thought? For most, I’d imagine it being along the lines of, “OK! ...What is it?” or even “Uh-oh, what did I do wrong this time?”

Let’s face it: the phrase “I want to give you feedback” in corporate settings is oftentimes perceived as a euphemism for, “I am going to criticize you.” Our brains and bodies spring into fight-or-flight mode when we feel attacked in the face of conflict. Entering discussions in such mindset will likely result in bruised egos and unresolved outcomes.

Many of us have been on the receiving end of feedback and understand intimately the power of feedback when conveyed constructively. Mastering the skill of giving constructive feedback is essential to ensure that your recipient does not perceive it as criticism. 

As Frank A. Clark eloquently put, “Criticism, like rain, should be gentle enough to nourish a man’s growth without destroying his roots.” I have outlined five fundamental steps below to help you formulate feedback more constructively.

1. Approach the conversation with the intent of being helpful and adding value.
   Before giving feedback to an employee or colleague, think about the true purpose and, more importantly, the end goal you’d like to achieve with this person. If approached constructively, your focus and your rhetoric will be on genuinely helping the person improve. Likewise, the recipient is more likely to be more receptive if you add value to his/her sense of self-worth. 

   Say this: “From my personal experience, it might help if you wrote down your main talking points before the meeting. That way, everybody gets time to share updates during the team meeting.”

   Not this: “I was not able to get to my project updates during our last team meeting.”

2. Focus on the situational behavior, not the person.
   We tend to fall into the trap of analyzing and critiquing the person rather than the situation that spurred the behavior. Differing circumstances can influence how a person behaves and reacts in a situation; the same person might behave differently depending on the situation, such as giving a product demo to your team of four versus giving a demo company-wide in front of 500. Practising mindfulness and addressing specific issues in context can result in a more honest exchange of feedback driven by care rather than blame.

   Say this: “Understandably, you seemed to struggle for words in the last segment when the client asked you that difficult question. Perhaps you could consider having the tech lead on stand-by to answer such questions next time.” 

   Not this: “It was embarrassing to see us fumble in front of our client today.”

3. Focus on solutioning rather than magnifying problems.
   Admittedly, we all tend to have our good and bad days — days when we practice courtesy and magnanimity in contrast to days when stress and tight deadlines get the better of us. In such trying circumstances, we are so self-centered that we are unable to see from any other perspective. In those situations, the problems get magnified leaving little room for creative solutioning. 

   An impulsive reaction might be one where we lash out at the person pointing out the flaws when dealing with a stressful situation. It’s OK to step away from the situation momentarily and respond after you’ve had a chance to calm down. When the mind is clear, our ability to problem-solve improves. 

   Say this: “As a best practice, how about I help be your second pair of eyes to review the client quote before we kick-off every new project to ensure optimal customer service?” 

   Not this: “It’s stressful to deal with this client who comes back with multiple revisions on every order.”

4. Avoid ambiguity and adopt specificity. 
   Nothing can be more frustrating for a person receiving feedback to hear generalizations about themselves with phrases like, “you always do this” or “you never follow-through.” This is not the time to cop-out, but to do your colleagues a favor by clearly describing what event or action you are referring to and how his/her behavior affected the outcome. State your personal observation and try not to camouflage it with a team response. As difficult as it may be for the recipient to hear this feedback, they are more likely to respect you for your straightforwardness and honesty.  

   Say this: "Yesterday afternoon, when we had our brainstorm meeting, I noticed that you kept raising your voice, which discouraged me to voice my ideas."

   Not this: “The team feels that you always tend to overtake the conversation.” 

5. Listen attentively, recap and reinforce your support.
   Know that the moment you choose to provide feedback, you automatically become a stakeholder in the individual’s personal growth. So, compassionately listen to his/her perspective with an open-mind, be receptive to a middle ground (as much as possible) while delivering your points, and end on a positive note. Express and communicate your support towards that person and in their ability to improve the situation. This enables open communication, realistic management of expectations, and a solid foundation for honest working relationships. 

   Say this: “I’m glad we understand each other better since we've talked. I'll do what I can to make sure your priorities are factored into the timeline, and I'll expect you to come straight to me if the schedule is an issue.” 

   Not this: “I hope you fully understand and follow through on what I discussed today.”

Constructive feedback is a powerful vehicle that has the capability to transform even a negative feedback situation to a positive one. What’s been your experience? I’d love to hear other tips that have worked for you. Share your thoughts in the comments below.